This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Even my vagina gasped.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
You can't just leave with hair like that
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
