The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
