oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
