And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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