I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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