I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
