I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
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