I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
