The maid of honor just puked.
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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