I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
