I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
