I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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