My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
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