its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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