I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
