there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
