I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize