My underwear smells like fireworks.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
