I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
Ketchup is God's man juice
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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