My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize