Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
He shit in the fireplace
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
