I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
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