Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
