I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
