I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
and she was petting her beer can
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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