she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
