I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
