At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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