Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize
