I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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