just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
