That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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