somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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