if i died would you start the facebook group?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
