guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
