i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I pour the whiskey from now on
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
