I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
