the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Randomize
