Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
