Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
