I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
