If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
