That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
