She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Randomize
