I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
