Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
