Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
