someone threw a dead crab at me
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
