Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
