Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
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