your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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