Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
