Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
she pinky promised me she was 18
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
