I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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