Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
