I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
