Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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