First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Randomize
