i wish peter jackson would direct porn
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
i drank out of a bidet.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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