Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Farmville is her only friend.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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