I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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