I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I am spending my child support on dildos
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
