we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Randomize
