FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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