even my farts smell like vagina
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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