just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My feet surprised me
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
