High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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