I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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