you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
