How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
