Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
