this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Randomize
