Yo dont text me then not text me
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
