If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
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