I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
