i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
