im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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