she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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