How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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