We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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