I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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