The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
