no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Randomize
