She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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