He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
