If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Randomize
