so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Randomize
