Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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