Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
Randomize
