Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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