hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
