youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
