Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize