just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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