im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
