I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
