Well apparently he's into motor boating.
thus making me awesome and them whores
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
