I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sorry my hands just texted you
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
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