at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
