took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
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