You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize