don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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