and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
