I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
